Trusting in God - what does it actually look like?

This is something we've been thinking about a lot. We want to trust God, and we like to think that we trust God, but quite often our speech and actions reflect otherwise.

A few weeks ago Gabe and I found ourselves in a bit of a bind. A bill for $1000 had suddenly come in for Asian Tribal Ministries (ATM) and we were at a loss as to how we would pay it off. After all, we haven't officially started our ministry there and haven't built up any ministry funds. On an intellectual level, we knew that we could trust God with this, but what we found coming out of our mouths was grumbling about how unfair this all seemed, and panicked planning of how we could put together that sum of money. After some time we realised what we were doing. We stopped the grumbling and panicking, but that sense of helplessness we felt still lingered. We found ourselves wondering what trusting God with this would actually look like.

We brought this matter before God and asked for His provision. But what next as we waited? Initially, the only thing we felt capable of doing was to stop speaking negatively about the situation. Then we tried to speak positively - we recounted the ways that God has provided for us in the past three years we have been married. Indeed, we have been immensely blessed and have not lacked anything. Then the lyrics to Elevation Worship's Trust in God and More Than Able came to me. These are songs that Gabe has been leading in worship on Sundays.

"He's been my fourth man in the fire time after time."

"Perfect submission, all is at rest. I know the Author of tomorrow has ordered my steps."

"I trust in God, my Saviour, the One who will never fail."

"You are more than able. Who am I to deny what the Lord can do?"

It was precisely in moments like this that we needed to sing songs like these ones. Yes, we worship God with the songs, but they are also for us. We sing them to ourselves as a reminder of God's faithfulness to us, and to urge our souls to trust in God. Much like when the Psalmist speaks to his own soul in Psalm 116, saying, "Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you." And so we tried to do that too.

Perhaps it sounds like we were doing well in this episode of learning to trust God. That wasn't the case at all. We mostly fumbled our way through it. In between recounting God's provision and singing those anthems of praise, there were many moments where we slipped and fell short. There is much room for growth for the both of us.

But this story does end on a very good note. God did provide! A few days later, in one of those how was your week? types of conversation with a friend in church, we briefly shared about this situation. And to our surprise, that friend immediately said she would give us that sum of money. Just like that. She revealed that she had been praying for us and thinking about how she could bless us in our ministry, so this was it for her. We were humbled by her generosity, and humbled that God provided for us in such a way in spite of our wavering faith. He is so good.